She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
The old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.”The old lady wanted to know why.The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “T
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsorin
Two men are out huntingOne of them goes into the bushes to take a leak.A few moments later, there’s a scream.The man’s buddy runs up.”What happened to you?” the buddy asks.“A snake bit me in the privates!” he answers, pointing to said snake, kicked to dea
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to get him to paint t
As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon, the young bride called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.“How did everything go?” her mom asked.“Oh, mother,” she began, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time.B
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.
You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests.
So what els
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower g
It started to snowThe first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.It looked like a Grandma Moses print So romantic we felt like newlyweds againI love s
Nickname
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
… and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,“Where did you get that truck?!” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”“With what money?” demanded his parents.They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
A man and his wife were having some arguments and problems at homeand were giving each other the silent treatment.The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney.Not wanting to be the first to br
… and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table.He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the m
While riding my Harley the other day, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very
A mother sees her son watching television and says,
“Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework!
Why are you watching television?”
Jimmy replies, “It’s okay, Mom! I haven’t done my homework yet.”
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny’s new location.The next day, a b
Tax day, April 15, was looming when an elderly woman showed up at the IRS.She said she required a thick stack of tax forms.“Why so many?” the clerk asked.“My son is stationed overseas,” she said.“He asked me to pick up forms for the Marines on the base.”“
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents’ parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the hell have you been?”
Larry replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“
A guy and a girl meet at a bar.
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl h
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyardA couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.
He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian.
Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a
Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply: “If I were any better, I would be twins!”
Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jo
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wo
Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favorite dog with his brother JamesWhile in Europe, Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks, “So James, how’s my favorite dog doing?”James very tersely replies, “Your dog is dead.”“What?” says Phil“You can’t just t