Two hikers were walking through the woods when they noticed a bear charging towards them in the distance. The first hiker removed his trail boots and began to lace up his running shoes. The second hiker laughed and said, “Why bother changing out of your boots? You can’t outrun a bear.” The first hiker replied, … Read more
A man went to a horse breeder and said, I want that horse. The breeder said that horse aint looking so good, but the man still wanted to buy it, so he did. The next day he came back with the horse and said, you sold me a blind horse, the breeder replied I told … Read more
A brain and a pair of jumpleads walks into a bar. The brain orders two pints from the barman but the barman refuses to serve him. When asked why, the barman replies ” Well you’re clearly out of your head, and your friend there looks as if he’s about to start something”
A guy goes to the Doctors and he says “Doctor, I’m really worried about my brother, he thinks he’s a Hen ” The Doctor says “well have you taken him to see a psychiatrist?”, and the guy says “Don’t be stupid, we need the eggs “
A man goes to the vet about his dog’s fleas. The vet says “I’m sorry, I’ll have to put this dog down”. The man is incredulous and asks why, and the vet says “because he is far too heavy.”
A polar bear walks into a bar and the barman says, “what would you like to drink?”. The polar bear hangs his head and sighs deeply and then sayss “I’ll have a pint of bitter barman”. The barman looks at the bear and says “why the big paws?”
Three vampires are sitting at a bar. Bartender asks the first one what he wants. “I think I’ll have a glass of blood.” “Okay, what’ll you have?” he asks the second vampire. “That sounds good. I’ll have a glass of blood too.” “And what can I get for you?” he asks the third vampire. “I’ll … Read more
Q: Did you hear about the Ice Cream Sales man that was found dead in his store covered in chocolate sauce and syrup? A: Police think he topped himself
A man goes into the doctor with a penguin on his head. The doctor says “What can I do for you?” and the penguin says “well doc, it started as this growth on my foot…”
A penguin walks into a store and asks the teller, “Do you have any grapes?” “No.” He replies. This same thing happens the next day. On the third day the teller replies,” No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor ” On the next the … Read more