A guy burned both of his ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, “I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…” “But how the heck did you burn the other ear?” The doctor … Read more
Ten things to do in public bathroom 1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, ‘Darn, I almost made it!’ 3.Wash you hair and dry it in the hand dryer. 4.Wear papertowels wrapped around your head and pretend you’re Erykah Badu. 5.Write on the … Read more
If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how … Read more
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong. So he calls the waiter over. “Can you please taste the soup?” “What’s wrong with the soup?” “Just taste it.” “Why?” “Just taste it.” “Sir, I–“ “Just taste it.” “Fine, I’ll taste the soup. Where’s the spoon?” … Read more
Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped. The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it. The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his ‘Vette, and they both leave the parking … Read more
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The Scot jumped off and shouted “God save Scotland!” The English man jumped off and shouted “God Save England!” The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted “God save the person … Read more
A police officer asks a thief, “Why did you steal this stranger’s watch?” The thief replies, “I didn’t steal it — he gave it to me!” The policeman asks, “When did he give it to you?” The thief tells him, “When I showed him the gun.”
3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul and a very old man. Obi Wan tees off and hits his ball in the sand trap. He mind controls his caddy to mark it a hole-in-one. Next Darth Maul hits his ball and it lands in the rough. He walks … Read more
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split … Read more
A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor. But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up. The only exception is when … Read more