A husband comes home early from work and catches his wife in bed with the mailman Before they notice him, he sneaks back into the hall, finds the mail bag, steams open the letters, inserts coupons from his rug-cleaning business and seals them back up. “Ha ha ha,” he snickers “That lazy mailman who is … Read more
“Jimmy,” says the teacher, “what would happen if the Third World War broke out?” “It would be a huge problem. There’d be another chapter in the history book to study.”
A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over Approaching the car, he noticed that five old ladies were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale. The driver pleaded with him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed … Read more
A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions on a curvy mountain road. The army man hits a patch of sand, swerves, and nails the Navy man’s truck. They both exit their cars with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined. Now, the rivalry between Army and Navy is well known, so … Read more
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? What happens if you get scared to death twice? If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If you write a book about failure, and it doesn’t sell, is it … Read more
One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane When he jumped there was good and bad news… Good news: He had a parachute Bad News: It didnt work Good News: There was a haystack down below Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack Good News: He missed the pitchfork … Read more
Guy 1: Hey! Why do you smoke cigarettes even though there is a warning on the pack that says it’s bad for your health? Guy 2: I am a software professional. I don’t bother about warnings — I am concerned only about the “Alerts.”
Ten Things That Make You Say Damn! 10) When people go the speed limit in the fast lane 9) When you just can’t seem to get a green light when you’re in a hurry. 8) When the police speed in regular traffic, but go the speed limit in emergencies. 7) When police or firemen turn … Read more
Two men were hunting in the woods when, all of a sudden, one man had a heart attack. The other called 911. Someone answered, and he said, “You’ve gotta come help me. The guy I was hunting with had a heart attack.” The person said, “Well, you’ve gotta make sure that he is dead.” So … Read more
