A 55-year old man who was born on May 5th has been married for five years, has five children, makes $55,555.55 each year and counts five as his lucky number receives a phone call from a friend who tells him a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local … Read more
A man was working on a preacher’s car in a garage and he was pushing hard on a wrench to loosen a nut and his hand slipped He yelled “G**damn it” and the preacher said, “Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain, say ‘Lord, help me, Lord help me.’” The man went back to work … Read more
A man is in court for murder and the judge says, “You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.” A voice at the back of the court says, “You bastard.” The judge continues, “You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer.” Again the voice at the … Read more
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye “What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby, “is that?” He replied, “That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.” “Well, … Read more
In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest … Read more
Two elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over a dozen years. One day, the younger of the two ladies turns to the other and says, “Please don’t be angry with me, but after all these years, what is … Read more
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. You turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones. You read the obituaries to find eligible women. Old ladies offer to help you cross the street. Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work. The gleam in your eye is from the … Read more
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring … Read more
Harold and Lloyd were speeding down the road when a cop pulled them over. “You were going eighty!” the officer yelled “Why so fast?” “We have a good reason,” Lloyd explained to the cop “Our brakes are no good so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!”
A man went to apply for a job After filling out his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome The employer said, “We have an opening for people like you.””Oh, that’s great,” the man exclaimed What is it?” The employer answered, “It’s called the door.”