A punk rocker with acute appendicitis needs immediate surgery.As the nurse preps the punk rocker, she finds that her pubic hair is dyed green with a tattoo above, reading “Keep off the grass.”After the operation, the punk rocker wakes up to find a small note taped to her belly: “Sorry — had to mow the … Read more
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence. One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, “I love the delightful mashed potatoes … Read more
Things You Don’t Want To Hear In The Airport 10.) “We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding will start at twenty dollars.”9.) “I’m sorry madam, but we cannot allow you to bring your cat on board We don’t yet know the effects of high radiation on our feline friends And we are … Read more
Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class He stood in front of the class trembling and began. “A B C D E F G H I J L K M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z.” His teacher … Read more
There’s a senior citizen driving on the highway His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, “Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!” Herman says, “I know, but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!”
One day an old lady decided that she didn’t want to live anymore, so she went to the doctor and asked, “What’s the best way to kill yourself?” The doctor told her, “Shooting yourself in the heart is a fast method.” She asked him, “Where’s the heart located?” He replied, “It’s three fingers below the … Read more
A security guard has a dream that the jet plane his boss is supposed to take the next day is going to crash When he wakes up, he calls his boss at home and tells him His boss listens to him and decides not to take the plane. The next day, the plane crashes The … Read more
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split … Read more
Three men were in a NASA conference room to decide how to spend $10 billion. “I think we should put our men on Mars!” said the first man. “Oh, good idea,” agreed the other two. “I think we should put our men on Venus!” said the second man. “Oh, good idea,” replied the other two. … Read more
A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk and stops inches from a shop window. The driver said, “Look … Read more