A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our … Read more
A guy was limping, so his friend asked him what was wrong. He replied, “My foot bugs me sometimes. It’s just an old basketball injury.” His friend said, “Uh, aren’t you kinda short for a basketball player?” He replied, “Oh no, I never played basketball. I just lost a ton of money on the NBA … Read more
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, “That’s amazing. How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and … Read more
Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy, all the kids in the school say I have a big head.” His mother replies, “No, you don’t, Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings.”
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.2 “By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.” “Where did they bury him?’” “They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
A mother sees her son watching television and says, “Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework! Why are you watching television?” Jimmy replies, “It’s okay, Mom! I haven’t done my homework yet.”
A diner yelled out, “Waiter! What’s this fly doing in my soup?” After taking a close look at the soup, the waiter said, “It looks like the breaststroke, sir.”
A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it. He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him. In desperation, the … Read more
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church. When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up. “Yes,” the girl says. “But I didn’t have to go all … Read more