I heard about this guy who broke into a lion’s den at the zoo and got mauled. And people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage.. A friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent. For example, putting some sort of … Read more
“A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “Can you have a look at him,” he says, “I think he’s cross-eyed”. So the vet picks up the dog and examines him. “I’m going to have to put him down,” says the vet. “Why, just because he’s cross eyed?” “No,” says the vet, “because he’s heavy!””
“In a small fishing village, a fisherman was walking up the wharf carrying two – at least threepound live lobsters – one in each hand. It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling … Read more
“A dog is truly a man’s best friend. If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment. Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour. When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?”
“What we say, and what we actually mean. Lol = I didn’t smile but I do appreciate the humor of the event in question. Rofl = I smiled a tiny bit, and I also made a strange noise from my nose. Lmao = I smiled, and made that strange noise again, this time in a … Read more
“Taking the Sun’s England Algeria Slovenia Yanks formula. How about the tournament of love for the final four? Holland Uruguay Germany Spain Alternatively, the tournament of hate. Germany Uruguay Netherlands Spain Either way, it ends in pain!”
“When someone next says to you “See You Next Tuesday” ie C.U.N.T. acronym which is quite offensive – Reply “Tuesday, Wednesday And Thursday” ie T.W.A.T. acronym! You’ll have the last laugh!” acronym
My son told me he’s been getting bullied at school. In preparation of dealing with the situation, he came to me for Advice. “Son”, I said. “The only thing I can say to you is look before you leap. Poor planning could leave you in a lot of pain. You need to land head-first for … Read more
Whenever you feel down just do what i do, scratch a scratch card near a homeless guy and then go nuts shouting you’ve won ten grand, once you see the look on their face you’ll instantly feel good again.
I’ll always remember the day my teacher asked me ‘Didn’t your Mother teach you not to play with fire?’ No, I replied, never really knew my Mother, she was killed in a chip pan fire in 1994.