“When I was little, I thought that being a vet would be the greatest job in the world. But then I got older and found out that it’s actually a lot more work than just putting down cats all day.”
“A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting flies” he responded. “Oh. Killing any?” she asked. “Yes, three males and two Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell?” He replied, “Three were on a beer can, two … Read more
“My daughter’s guinea pig committed suicide today. I was driving home from the vet’s deliberating whether we could justify the 80 the vet wanted to perform an operation, when, inexplicably, it leapt right out of the car window.”
“Eat your dinner,” I said to my young son. “I don’t want to!” he replied, pushing his plate away. “Look, I know you’re upset about the death of your dog,” I began, “but as long as you avoid the fur, he’s actually quite delicious.””
“An old farmer’s dog goes missing and he is inconsolable. His wife says to him, “why don’t you put an ad in the paper to get him back”. The farmer does this, but after two weeks the dog is still missing. “What did you write in the paper?” asked his wife. “Here boy,” said the … Read more
“I felt terrible about killing a wild bear with a knife and a shovel. However I’ve learned that when one of them approaches your Children you have to be willing to strike hard and fast. I also learned that Koalas aren’t great fighters.”
“Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “what are you up to there, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. “That’s … Read more
“The Unforgettable Elephant Story In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee … Read more
“The dog was sitting next to his owner at the movies. He was barking excitedly and wagging his tail every time the hero was on screen, and growling ferociously every time the villain appeared. The man sitting behind them, totally fascinated by what he sees, taps the owner on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me … Read more
“People say that marijuana is good for you because it’s natural, but they don’t realize that just because it’s natural doesn’t mean its safe. Want to know what else is natural? Bears.”