Two jelly babies walked into a bar with their friend the Hard Gum. When they went up to get drinks, some cough sweets went up to them and started hassling them. The jelly babies were a bit scared and went to the Hard Gum to ask for a bit of help. He replied , “I’m … Read more
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a drink. When it’s served, he asks how much it will be. “For you,” the bartender answers, “no charge.”
Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or dad, my older brother Colin or my younger brother HoZChaZChu. But I think its Colin
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up. “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.” Watson said, “I see millions and millions of stars.” Homes: “and from that … Read more
A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar “Pint of best” he says to the bar man. Whilst waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables He goes up to him and says “Are you Vincent Van Gogh?” “Yes” the old man replies. … Read more
A man walks into a bar and hears someone say, “Hey, you look NICE today ” He turns aroud and asks the bartender, “Who said that?” The bartender answers, “The peanuts… they’re COMPLEMENTARY “
2 robbers went 2 the gates of heven an angle said god there is 2 robbers at the gates god said let them in so the angle went 2 let them in he came running in and said “they’re gone,they’re gone,”god:who the robbers no the gates
A man goes to the doctor and says ‘Doctor, there’s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom’. The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks ‘Is it serious, doctor?’ and the doctor replies ‘I’m sorry to tell you but this is just the tip of the iceberg’.
There was a teddy bear who went to work on a building site. On his first day he went off for lunch and left his tools behind. When he came back he noticed that his pick was missing. When he told the foreman the foreman said “Didn’t you know today’s the day the teddy bears … Read more
Two pieces of tarmac go into a pub and boast to the barman about how hard they are, “We’re motorway us.” Then another piece of tarmac enters and the first two hide under a table. “What’s wrong?” says the barman, “I thought you were really hard?” “We are,” they say, “but he’s a cycle path.”