A man took his dog to the vet. “Sorry,” said the vet, “but your dog is dead”. Distraught man asks the vet for a second opinionZZ the vet brings in the practice cat. Cat sniffs aroundZZ no response from dog. Vet says “sorry, but your dog is dead”. Man insists on a third opinion, so … Read more
I drunk driver is stop for heading the wrong way on a oneZway street. The police officer asked the driver didn’t you see the arrows. The drink responds, “Arrows, I couldn’t even see the Indians.
Two men jump out of a plane. One is holding a Budgerigar, the other is holding a Parrot and a shotZgun. As they fall away from the plane the man holding the budgie lets it go. A moment later the man with the Parrot lets go of his bird and takes a lame shot at … Read more
2 atoms were talking, 1 atom said to the other “why are you crying?” the atom replied “I’ve lost an electron”, the first atom said “are you sure?”, “yes” replied the other “I’m positive “
Three American Indian women in the wild west are about to give birth. One is lying on a buffalo skin; one is lying on a moose skin; and one is lying on a hippopotamus skin. The first woman gives birth to a boy. The second gives birth to a girl. And the third gives birth … Read more
Extra strong mint and Mars bar are having a drink in the pub. Extra strong mint says to Mars Bar, `I’m the hardest mint in town me No one’s harder than me ‘. With that, the bar doors swing open and in walks a Halls mint. Mars bar turns around and extra strong mint is … Read more
Patient: Dr, Dr Z I can’t get this song out of my head and it’s driving me mad. I can’t stop humming “It’s Good to Touch the Green Green Grass of Home” Doctor: “Hmm, sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome” Patient ” Never heard of it” Doctor “Well it’s not unusual …”
A man is sat at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door. The man gets up and answers the door, to his astonishment there is a snail at the door. The snail says “can i sell you some double glazing.” To which the man replies “no” and kicks him down the … Read more
Man walking down the street meets a friend who has a lobster tucked under his arm. “Are you taking that lobster home to dinner?” he asks. “No,” says friend, “he’s had his dinner and now I’m taking him to the pictures”.
A woman has twin boys and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt, and is named “Amahl.” The other goes to a family in Spain and is named “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that … Read more