One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant In the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and … Read more
So, one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, … Read more
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She replies, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”
A punk rocker with acute appendicitis needs immediate surgery.As the nurse preps the punk rocker, she finds that her pubic hair is dyed green with a tattoo above, reading “Keep off the grass.”After the operation, the punk rocker wakes up to find a small note taped to her belly: “Sorry — had to mow the … Read more
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence. One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, “I love the delightful mashed potatoes … Read more
Things You Don’t Want To Hear In The Airport 10.) “We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding will start at twenty dollars.”9.) “I’m sorry madam, but we cannot allow you to bring your cat on board We don’t yet know the effects of high radiation on our feline friends And we are … Read more
Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class He stood in front of the class trembling and began. “A B C D E F G H I J L K M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z.” His teacher … Read more
There’s a senior citizen driving on the highway His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, “Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!” Herman says, “I know, but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!”
One day an old lady decided that she didn’t want to live anymore, so she went to the doctor and asked, “What’s the best way to kill yourself?” The doctor told her, “Shooting yourself in the heart is a fast method.” She asked him, “Where’s the heart located?” He replied, “It’s three fingers below the … Read more
A security guard has a dream that the jet plane his boss is supposed to take the next day is going to crash When he wakes up, he calls his boss at home and tells him His boss listens to him and decides not to take the plane. The next day, the plane crashes The … Read more