A drunk was standing on a London Street corner shouting “It can’t be done It can’t be done ” Just ten, a Bobby aproached him and said: “What can’t be done?” The drunk answered, “Look, up there on that sign, it says ‘DRINK CANADA DRY.’ It just can’t be done …It’s too Bloody big “
A piece of string walks into a bar one day and asks for a beer. The bar tender says, “I’m sorry but we don’t serve string in this bar.” The piece of string walks out and returns the next day asking for a beer. No luck. The bar tender turns him away again, “Sorry but … Read more
A doctor says to his patient, ‘I have bad news and worse news’. ‘Oh dear, what’s the bad news?’ asks the patient. The doctor replies, ‘You only have 24 hours to live’. ‘That’s terrible’, said the patient. ‘How can the news possibly be worse?’ The doctor replies, ‘I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday’.
A little boy mouse goes into a music shop and asks for a mouseZorgan. The shopkeeper says: “That’s a coincidence, we had a little girl mouse in here yesterday, asking for the same thing.” The mouse replies: “That must have been our Monica.”
This guy is walking past a wooden fence. On the other side of the fence is an asylum. The inmates are all screaming at the tops of their lungs, “Thirteen Thirteen THIRTEEN “ The guy notices a small hole in the fence and his curiosity naturally gets the better of him. He takes a peek … Read more
Two spiders were playing football in a saucer. One says to the other: “I’m getting really bored with this.” The other says: “Don’t worry, we’re playing in the cup next week.”
I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live … Read more
a brain and a set of jump leads walk into a bar, “two pints of beer please barman” asks the brain “sorry guys can’t serve you tonight” replies the barman “why not” asks the brain “because you’re out your head and he’s likly to start somthing”
It’s a hot day, and everyone is on the beach. And it’s strange, because everyone has bought an iceZcream cone, and is feeding the seaZgulls with it; two gulls to each person. So I went bought an iceZcream, and straight away the gulls came down to steal it. So of course I chased them away, … Read more
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all … Read more