“The dog was sitting next to his owner at the movies. He was barking excitedly and wagging his tail every time the hero was on screen, and growling ferociously every time the villain appeared. The man sitting behind them, totally fascinated by what he sees, taps the owner on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me … Read more
“People say that marijuana is good for you because it’s natural, but they don’t realize that just because it’s natural doesn’t mean its safe. Want to know what else is natural? Bears.”
In a 3rd grade class Jonny was asked if he knew what a canabil was. He said to the teacher “no sir” “Well, if you ate your parents what would you be?” Jonny,s teacher asked him and Jonny said “An orphen, sir”
Why did the ‘possum cross the road? To get halfZway across. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the ‘possum it could be done. Why did the anarchist monkey cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? No guts.
Man is looking down from a plane as it flies over the Pacific Ocean. He turns to the lady next to him and asks: That island down there. Is it pronounced Hawaii or Havaii? The woman replies Havaii. The man says: Thank you. The woman replies: You’re velcome
Man goes to the doctor and complains that every time he touches his foot he feels excruciating pain. The doctor writes it down and asks if it gurts anywhere else. To demonstrate, the man also touches his shin and thigh and screams out with pain. Although the doctor examines tha man, he can not diagnose … Read more
A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips. After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word. “Iv’e got a few suggestions,”he says. “Try folding your arms over your chest and rub … Read more
baby polar bear asks its dad, ‘am i a black bear?’ ‘no’ says dad. ‘am i a grizzly bear?’ ‘no, you’re a polar bear. go ask your mother, son.’ baby polar bear asks its mum, ‘am i a brown bear, or a sun bear?’ ‘no’, says mum. ‘am i a black bear or a koala … Read more
Theres a toilet on a hill. There is a man walking up the hill and a man walking down and a man in the toilet. What are there nationalitys? the man going up is Russin and the man going down is finishan and the man in the toilet is european.
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead What can … Read more