1. An old man notices that his wife is having trouble hearing. He tries telling her to go for a hearing test, but she won’t hear of it. He decides to prove to her there’s something wrong with her hearing. He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in … Read more
1. A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out … Read more
1. A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of “WOW”! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to … Read more
1. An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are “snowbirds” in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them and wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” Bessie looks him over, “Nope.” … Read more
1. A guy was in an elevator one day and noticed an attractive woman running to make it before the door closed. He held the door for her to get in and then politely asked her “what floor?” “ 3rd floor” she replied, “I come here once a month to donate blood and they pay … Read more
1. A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well and they decide to go to the girl’s place for a drink. A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands. The girl looked … Read more
1. Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” He asked his mother. “He thinks a lot” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness. She was until Johnny … Read more
1. A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut. She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones. The stylist replied refusing to cut her hair, so she left. She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. … Read more
1. A teacher asks her class, ”If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Johnny. ”None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.” The teacher replies, ”The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.” Then Little … Read more
1. A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, “Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves peak?” She looks at him wistfully, smiles, … Read more