Two Arkansans meet on a dusty, country road. One of them is carrying a big bag, labeled chickens. “Chickens, eh?” says his friend. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?” “Heck,” says the guy with the bag. “You guess right, I’ll give you both of ’em.” “Um…five?”
Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you’ve never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits, but could not find their two main contestants, the tortoise … Read more
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle. He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out. The genie says that he will grant him one wish. “Well, I’d like to go to Hawaii. But, I’m afraid of flying and I don’t like the idea of going in a boat. … Read more
A guy burned both of his ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, “I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…” “But how the heck did you burn the other ear?” The doctor … Read more
Ten things to do in public bathroom 1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, ‘Darn, I almost made it!’ 3.Wash you hair and dry it in the hand dryer. 4.Wear papertowels wrapped around your head and pretend you’re Erykah Badu. 5.Write on the … Read more
If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how … Read more
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong. So he calls the waiter over. “Can you please taste the soup?” “What’s wrong with the soup?” “Just taste it.” “Why?” “Just taste it.” “Sir, I–“ “Just taste it.” “Fine, I’ll taste the soup. Where’s the spoon?” … Read more
Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped. The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it. The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his ‘Vette, and they both leave the parking … Read more
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The Scot jumped off and shouted “God save Scotland!” The English man jumped off and shouted “God Save England!” The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted “God save the person … Read more
A police officer asks a thief, “Why did you steal this stranger’s watch?” The thief replies, “I didn’t steal it — he gave it to me!” The policeman asks, “When did he give it to you?” The thief tells him, “When I showed him the gun.”