Guy 1: Hey! Why do you smoke cigarettes even though there is a warning on the pack that says it’s bad for your health? Guy 2: I am a software professional. I don’t bother about warnings — I am concerned only about the “Alerts.”
Ten Things That Make You Say Damn! 10) When people go the speed limit in the fast lane 9) When you just can’t seem to get a green light when you’re in a hurry. 8) When the police speed in regular traffic, but go the speed limit in emergencies. 7) When police or firemen turn … Read more
Two men were hunting in the woods when, all of a sudden, one man had a heart attack. The other called 911. Someone answered, and he said, “You’ve gotta come help me. The guy I was hunting with had a heart attack.” The person said, “Well, you’ve gotta make sure that he is dead.” So … Read more
A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity. The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn”t even breathe. … Read more
When was the last time a black person went camping? My white friend asked me a couple of weeks ago… He said, ‘We’re going to go to mountains, pitch tent, make a fire, tell stories, make s’mores.’ I’m like, ‘Then we going to watch the game?’ ‘Rob, come on. There’s no running water, electricity — … Read more
There once was this Vietnam vet who still occasionally had very vivid flasbacks. The man worked as a dentist and one day, he was doing a normal check-up, when a flashback hit him. He went crazy and repeatedly stabbed the patient. Needless to say, he was fired and needed another job. The vet tried to … Read more
George set out on a very windy day to see his friend Sam who was sick in bed. Hours later, he pulled his weary body into Sam’s house. Sam asked him how it was. “I’ll tell ya, it was just brutal. For every step I took forwards, I fell back two steps.” “Then how ever … Read more
There was this couple that had twins and they couldn’t decide what to name them. When they were teenagers, the dad noticed that one of them always looked towards the sea and the other looked away, so he decided to call them Towards and Away. Then, one day, the dad decides to take the twins … Read more
Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his toy train as his father cooked dinner. Little Johnny stopped the train and said, “All you damn a**holes who want to get off, get the hell off. All those who want to get on, get the hell on!” “Little Johnny!” exclaimed his father. “I can’t believe … Read more
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. “I’ve got a wife and three kids and I’d love to have you … Read more