jokes

Three American Indian women in the wild west are about to give birth.  One is lying on  a buffalo skin; one is lying on a moose skin; and one is lying on a hippopotamus skin.  The first  woman gives birth to a boy.  The second gives birth to a girl.  And the third gives birth … Read more

Extra strong mint and Mars bar are having a drink in the pub.  Extra strong mint says  to Mars Bar, `I’m the hardest mint in town me  No one’s harder than me ‘.  With that, the bar  doors swing open and in walks a Halls mint.  Mars bar turns around and extra strong mint is  … Read more

Patient:  Dr, Dr Z I can’t get this song out of my head and it’s driving me mad.  I can’t  stop humming “It’s Good to Touch the Green Green Grass of Home” Doctor:  “Hmm, sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome” Patient ” Never heard of it” Doctor  “Well it’s not unusual …”

A man is sat at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door. The man gets  up and answers the door, to his astonishment there is a snail at the door. The snail says “can i  sell you some double glazing.” To which the man replies “no” and kicks him down the … Read more

Man walking down the street meets a friend who has a lobster tucked under his arm.   “Are you taking that lobster home to dinner?” he asks.  “No,” says friend, “he’s had his dinner  and now I’m taking him to the pictures”.

A woman has twin boys and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt,  and is named “Amahl.” The other goes to a family in Spain and is named “Juan.” Years later,  Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her  husband that … Read more

As a funeral train passes by a golf course, a golfer on one of the greens stops,  stands at attention with hat held over his heart as the hearse goes by.  Then he  goes back to lining up his putt.  His playing partner remarks how that was the  nicest gesture he’d ever seen, to show … Read more

A man on a business trip is staying in a highZrise hotel with a bar on the top floor.   After checking in and seeing his room, he decides to go upstairs.  There’s only one other  patron in the bar.  The businessman orders a drink and then watches in surprise as the other  patron quickly eats … Read more

Two hikers were walking through the woods when they noticed a bear charging  towards them in the distance. The first hiker removed his trail boots and began to lace up his  running shoes. The second hiker laughed and said, “Why bother changing out of your boots?  You can’t outrun a bear.” The first hiker replied, … Read more

A man went to a horse breeder and said, I want that horse. The breeder said that horse  aint looking so good, but the man still wanted to buy it, so he did. The next day he came back  with the horse and said, you sold me a blind horse, the breeder replied I told … Read more