jokes

Bob is sitting in a bar next to a guy named Clark.  Clark gets his usual and drains it he  then turns to Bob and says, “I bet you I can jump of the roof and loat to the ground.”  Bob says  “okay go for it.”  So clark jumps and floats to the ground.  So … Read more

Two sailors are eating biscuits together.  One breaks a biscuit and two bugs, one large  and one small, jump out and run across the table.  The sailor asks his mate, “Now, is it better  to eat the big one or the small one?”  The other replied, “The answer is simple: you must  always choose the … Read more

A man driving into town spots a truck broken down on the side of the road. He stops to  help. The truck driver says he is on his way to deliver some penguins to the zoo. The truck  driver say, “I’ll give you some cash if you could take the penguins to the zoo for … Read more

One morning, a girl says to her mum, “Does God use our bathroom?” Her mum replies, “No dear, why do you ask?” The little girl says, “Well, every morning daddy says ‘Oh God, are you still in there “

A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did all of my intelligence  come from?” The father replied: “Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, ’cause  I still have mine.”

Sadie’s husband Jake has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his  faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night. One night, Jake comes to and motions for her  to come closer. He says, “My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I  got … Read more

A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the  obituary department and said, “This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead.” The man at the  newspaper said, “But for $25 you are allowed to print six words.” The woman answered, “OK.  Then print: Bernie is dead. … Read more

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, “My dogs crossZeyed. Is there  anything you can do for it?”  “Well”, said the vet, “Let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up by the ears and has a  good look at its eyes.  “Well,” Says the vet, “I’m … Read more

there are 3 wives who want to decide what to wear. first one says ,my husband has  black hair I will wera black dree. second says my husband hair is grey and I will wear a grey  dress and the third one gets worried and starts panicking. when asked she tells the other two  that … Read more

a worried man goes to see his priest. “Father, I am worried. I think that my wife is trying to poison me.” Said the priest: “Hold on my son, let me talk to your wife and come back to see me tomorrow,  then I shall be able to give you some advice.” The following day … Read more