jokes

In a 3rd grade class Jonny was asked if he knew what a canabil was. He said to the  teacher “no sir”  “Well, if you ate your parents what would you be?” Jonny,s teacher asked him  and Jonny said “An orphen, sir”

Why did the ‘possum cross the road? To get halfZway across. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the ‘possum it could be done. Why did the anarchist monkey cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? No guts.

Man is looking down from a plane as it flies over the Pacific Ocean. He turns to the lady  next to him and asks: That island down there. Is it pronounced Hawaii or Havaii? The woman  replies Havaii. The man says: Thank you. The woman replies: You’re velcome 

Man goes to the doctor and complains that every time he touches his foot he feels  excruciating pain. The doctor writes it down and asks if it gurts anywhere else. To  demonstrate, the man also touches his shin and thigh and screams out with pain. Although  the doctor examines tha man, he can not diagnose … Read more

A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest  to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips. After a few minutes of listening, the old  priest suggests that they have a word. “Iv’e got a few suggestions,”he says. “Try folding your  arms over your chest and rub … Read more

baby polar bear asks its dad, ‘am i a black bear?’ ‘no’ says dad.  ‘am i a grizzly bear?’  ‘no, you’re a polar bear.  go ask your mother, son.’  baby polar bear asks its mum, ‘am i a  brown bear, or a sun bear?’ ‘no’, says mum.  ‘am i a black bear or a koala … Read more

Theres a toilet on a hill. There is a man walking up the hill and a man walking down  and a man in the toilet. What are there nationalitys? the man going up is Russin and the man going down is finishan and the man in the toilet is  european.

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the  ground.  He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “My friend is  dead   What can … Read more

A man driving on a highway is pulled over by a police officer.  The officer asks, “Did you know your wife and children fell out of your car a kilometre back?”. A smile creeps onto the man’s face and he exclaims, “Thank God   I thought I was going deaf “

Q: What is red and looks like a bucket? A: A Red bucket  Q: What is blue and looks like a bucket A: A Red bucket in disguise