jokes

One day little Johnny was in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him  there, decided to investigate. “Whatcha doin?” he asked. “My goldfish died and I’m burying him,” Johnny replied. “That’s an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain’t it?” asked the neighbor. “That’s because he’s inside your cat “

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the  dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones  are?” The guard replied, “They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.” “That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you … Read more

a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. “Uh oh, I think I just made an illegal turn ” the man said. “It’s okay, Dad” the boy said. “The police car right behind us did the same thing.” A man in a hurry taking his 8 year old son to school, made a … Read more

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.  “Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, mommy?” he asked. “To make myself  beautiful,” said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.  “What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

A piece of string walks into a pub and asks for a pint. The barkeep says “Get out. We don’t serve pieces of string here.” The piece of string goes around the corner, ties a knot in his middle and unravels his ends. It  goes back into the bar and again asks for a pint. … Read more

James wanted to start a new hobby, and he decides he’s going to learn a new flying  sport. So he invites his friends to come and watch. He takes them to the top of a cliff, and produces three bird cages Z one containing a  budgerigar, the second containing a chicken, and the third a … Read more

Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, “So, how’s it going?” The second one sighed and shook his head, “Not good, I can’t pay my bills, my health isn’t good, my kids don’t respect me, and my wife is leaving me.” The first … Read more

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very little,which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? . . I hear the food is great, but the atmosphere is lousy. 443 A newly married man asks his wife,  “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?” “Darling,” the woman replies sweetly, “I’d have married you no  matter … Read more

A mother & daughter go out looking for Barbie Dolls, but can’t find any prices in the  shop, so they ask an assistant to help. “This is Single Barbie, she cost £20, and this is Married  Barbie, she costs £40, and this one is Divorced Barbie, she costs £250″, says the assistant.  “Why so much … Read more