A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman enteredShe was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from herThe young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents’ parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape he was in.
The doctor asked, “Why do you think you have such good health?”
The old-timer said,
“I’m a turkey hunter and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up before dayl
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs.
After talkin
Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party…After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest roomThose who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joyHe started working at a succe
It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day! What do you think it means?” Her husband smiled.
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claim
This was the response:
“I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident
I am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot
Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life.
Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.
“Ahh,” he thought, “here is a life free from distracti
The lawyer says to his client, Bill Shorten,
“I have some good news and some bad news.”
Bill replies:
“I’ve had a bloody awful week, so let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer says:
“Your wife Chloe invested $20,000 in five pictures whi
A couple were going out for the eveningThey’d gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.“For example.” he said, “when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold w
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lbweight loss program.The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round he
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man’s cane slips on the floor and he falls down.As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says,“If you put a little rubber thin
He’s wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican’s have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you’re wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You’re so easily o
When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow,his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once,so she goes to the newspaper and says;“I’d like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband”The man at the desk says “OK, how much money dae ye have?”The old woman
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.”He didn’t see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy.The second brother married a
Four guys are playing golf together and talking about how successful their sons are.
The first says, “My son is so successful, he’s VP of his company and just gave his best friend a car. “
The second says, ” That’s nothing, my son is CEO of his comp
Dolly wanted a new living room set but her husband kept saying.
“No.” Every day she would ask him to please let her have the set.
Every day he would say. “No.”
One day he decided to end this discussion once and for all.
When Dolly asked, he lo
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.“Well, I’ll tell you” the farmer replied.“One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneathThat pig ran for helpHe saved my life.”
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
One of them is extremely smart, one is average, and one is extremely stupid.One day, it is the extremely smart one’s turn to catch and cook dinner. He goes out and comes back with a bear.The other two are astounded and ask, “How did you catch this bear?”
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying.To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.He wa
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, “my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him “Father.”
The second Catholic women chirps, “Well, my s
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern