abhinaynarayansingh COMMUTERS. When you leave your house, sprint the first 200 yards and then revert back to your regular walking speed. This will save you from having to do the run of shame for the bus nearer the stop and look like a fool when you miss it.
Two men jump out of a plane. One is holding a Budgerigar, the other is holding a Parrot and a shotZgun. As they fall away from the plane the man holding the budgie lets it go. A moment later the man with the Parrot lets go of his bird and takes a lame shot at … Read more
2 atoms were talking, 1 atom said to the other “why are you crying?” the atom replied “I’ve lost an electron”, the first atom said “are you sure?”, “yes” replied the other “I’m positive “
Three American Indian women in the wild west are about to give birth. One is lying on a buffalo skin; one is lying on a moose skin; and one is lying on a hippopotamus skin. The first woman gives birth to a boy. The second gives birth to a girl. And the third gives birth … Read more
Extra strong mint and Mars bar are having a drink in the pub. Extra strong mint says to Mars Bar, `I’m the hardest mint in town me No one’s harder than me ‘. With that, the bar doors swing open and in walks a Halls mint. Mars bar turns around and extra strong mint is … Read more
Patient: Dr, Dr Z I can’t get this song out of my head and it’s driving me mad. I can’t stop humming “It’s Good to Touch the Green Green Grass of Home” Doctor: “Hmm, sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome” Patient ” Never heard of it” Doctor “Well it’s not unusual …”
A man is sat at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door. The man gets up and answers the door, to his astonishment there is a snail at the door. The snail says “can i sell you some double glazing.” To which the man replies “no” and kicks him down the … Read more
Man walking down the street meets a friend who has a lobster tucked under his arm. “Are you taking that lobster home to dinner?” he asks. “No,” says friend, “he’s had his dinner and now I’m taking him to the pictures”.
A woman has twin boys and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt, and is named “Amahl.” The other goes to a family in Spain and is named “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that … Read more
As a funeral train passes by a golf course, a golfer on one of the greens stops, stands at attention with hat held over his heart as the hearse goes by. Then he goes back to lining up his putt. His playing partner remarks how that was the nicest gesture he’d ever seen, to show … Read more