A guy tries to enter a nightclub but is stopped at the door by the bouncer who tells him that he can’t get in without wearing a necktie. The guy goes back to his car, looks around but can’t find a tie. He sees a set of jumperleads in the back so he puts them … Read more
A guy is driving down the motorway, knitting. Obviously this is dangerous driving as the driver has no hands on the wheel, so before long the police are catching up with him. One police car drives up alongside the offending vehicle, and motions for him to open his window. “pull over “, the policeman shouts … Read more
A man buys two monkeys. those monkeys multiply and soon he’s got 10 monkeys. the city gets wind of it and threatens heavy fines if he doesn’t get rid of the monkeys. So the man calls his cousin pedro and offers him $50.00 to take the monkeys to the zoo. a couple of hours pass, … Read more
There was three tomatoes walking down a street. The daddy tomato and the mammy tomato were way ahead of the baby tomato. The daddy tomato got so annoyed at the baby tomato for being so slow that he turned around real quickly and smacked his hands together and roared “KETCHUP”
A duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender: “Got any grapes?” The bartender replies: “This is a bar, not a market, we don’t have grapes”; The duck walks out of the bar, only to return the next day; once again, the duck asks the bartender: “Got any grapes”? The bartender says;” look, I … Read more
A man walked into a bar and the barman said to him “Hello do you want a drink?” “Yes please” replied the man.The barman then gave him a drink and waited for his money but the man didn’t pay the barman argued with him and said “Thats £3.00 please” but the man replied “No you … Read more
A boy was walking down the street when he was stopped by a man holding a sofa.The man said to the boy “Here you go you can have this sofa for nothing I don’t need it anymore” the boy thanked him and took the sofa home to his dad.When he arrived home his dad went … Read more
“Are you a lawyer?” “Yes.” “How much do you charge?” “A hundred dollars for four questions.” “Isn’t that awfully expensive?” “Yes. What is your fourth question?”
So these vultures decide to fly to Florida on an ariline. They got on board carrying six dead raccoons and the flight attendant says, “I’m sorry, but there’s a limit of two carrion per passenger.”
“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. “Sure,” said the young student confidently. “Means carrying a child.”